My bf & I finalized things last night. After 4 years, he is now officially my ex. We got rid of all the bad blood & resentment and agreed that the breakup isn’t for lack of love or effort. We each just have things to work out in our lives. I was certain that having that talk would be the ‘cure all’ I needed. I guess not, because I still had that ache inside of me when I woke up this morning. It’s for the best, I know, but how do I get myself out of this funk? I miss him US so very much, it hurts. I just want to be able to walk into a store or drive on a highway without some memory coming to haunt me. The pain? It’s almost physical. I literally have to take deep, slow breaths sometimes because I feel like my chest might explode. I want to stop crying all the time. I want to be ok with the fact that there’s no ‘us’ anymore. He’s ok. He bounced right back up. Why can’t I? I’m not a weak person, At 28, I’ve pulled myself through a lot of crap in life. What’s wrong now? Why is this so hard?
Related Blogs
- Related Blogs on do….
- So: Do the C's Care About the Regular Season Or Not? » Boston …
- Related Blogs on handle
- How to Handle Stress
- The Voters Can't Handle The Truth « The Futility Monster
- LOOK! – Found On EBAY – S Edge White handle Custom Bowie Knife …
- Related Blogs on just
- Related Blogs on know
- Letting people know about new contribution opportunities …
- Getting to know them « LA Kings Insider
- You Know it's Bad When the Current System Looks Good
- Related Blogs on this
- Ron Coleman's LIKELIHOOD OF CONFUSION® | Mash this |
- Related Blogs on want
- Why We Don't Want To Have The “Instruments of Torture” Used in …
Related posts:
- ‘brush your tounge so you don’t get bad breath’ but everytime I do….?
- how to deal with my girl friend bad smell breath problem?
- I haven’t been able to inhale completely for the last 2 months and it’s getting worse. What’s going on?
- No Health Insurance But Might Have Strep?
- can you tell me what is wrong with me please? and how to help cure it?
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Cut yourself some slack, you need time to grieve and mourn, even if the breakup was a “good” one. ending a relationship is still an end to something and you deserve to grieve that loss. Just keep yourself in check that it doesn’t take over your life.
Because you are hurt deeply. It takes time. More time for some, less for others…. You will be fine. Hang in there, baby. Better times are ahead of you!! Good luck!
just remember all the bickering and such,, you are just realizing you are alone at the moment, after being with someone 4 years,
what you souled say to him why are you acting this way if you do not get you ACT to heather thin we are over
Give it some time. Sure you can allow yourself to feel down, but dang…live is about more than you being a couple with someone. Find something positive in your life. Keep yourself busy. Exercise…it clears your head and lets out your frustration. Don’t get yourself down. Pick yourself up. You, yourself said that it’s for the best. You know it is. Now get out there and be the best you that you can be.
Becuase men are stupid heartless sluts and usually never invest as much time,$, love and energy into a relatonship so it’s harder for women. Say F@#K it and keep busy. If you don’t work get a job. If you have a job do some remodeling or redecoration at your house. I got a chihuahua so now I’m never alone.
It sounds like you put alot of your emotional wealth into that relationship ,don’t worry about bouncing back, give yourself time to recharge.
I think it just gets harded the more you experience this type of a situation,it will never get easier.
i can only promise you that it will get better. how soon is up to you. give yourself time to mourn. it’s okay. you are human. it doesn’t make you weak at all. in truth, guys don’t mourn the way we women do. just accept that. go sit at home in your pj’s with tub of ice cream, and cry with your girlfriends. you will be fine.
He is not okay either. He is just acting like that in front of you and in front of others. You should do the same. Even if you feel like crap about it don’t show it. The problem is, is that people always feel crappy after heartbreaks. There is nothing you can do but occupy you time with others so you don’t think about him. If a song or a smell or something reminds you of him, think of something he did that was mean or f*&@ed up. Spend time with friends and family to help you cope. good luck
I am 24 and from my own personal experience it isn’t easy. It took me up until the time I got into another involved relationship. After being with the new guy for about 6 months I stopped thinking about the old one b/c me and the new guy grew closer and my attention had focused to him.
It hurts and its going to hurt for a long time the best thing I have found to do is crated distance it just works. I wouldn’t say jump right into dating or anything but make some new guy friends. Start new traditions with yourself like picking up groceries every Tuesday and making a meal you know just small things like that. Also get back in touch with your girlfriends, sometimes having a long relationship takes its tole on you social life get back in touch with people you may not have had as much time for that always feels good.
Because you loved him and he was all you knew for four years breaking up is breaking up no matter how it is done. It still hurts the same. I hate it when people say this but you do need time. If it is meant to be it will be if not it wont. Good luck and i wish you the best.
Everybody goes through the exact same thing… even if they don’t act like it or say it… even him… but his non-chalant attitude is to hide that he is hurting too… you thought getting it all out would make you feel better… but it just made you remember… whether good or bad… you took yourself back to where the hurt was… my advice is to take each day as a new one… time for new experiences and activities… the things that you guys use to do is in the past… so put it there and leave it.. eventually you will start to get over him… but you will never forget… and don’t… but do please try and get over it… it will make your days go by so much faster…
you loved him very much and it hurts to end things. Why did you guys break up anyway? not getting along? careers not in line yet? Give yourself time to realize who you are. Maybe you guys weren’t in love just usd to each other. Smae thing happend wiht my BF and i. 2 months after the break up we got back together and thigns are great now. THat’s probably what you need- a break from him. Hang out with your friends and family for support and it will be easier. Try to keep from being alone. The more alone time you spend the more you’;ll think of him and cry. It’s good to cry but- it’s also harder though. If you can- refrain from calling him. IF he calls you- talk to him. Don’t make him feel like you hate him or won’t even want to hear from him but- let him know that you’re goijng through a hard time and it’s good to take that time off. IF you guys reallly love each other both ends- you will get back together someday but if not and love was either on your end only or his end only- you won’t see him again. If this is the case- move on with your life but if you love him and he calls you and tries to keep in contact with you it’s because he lvoes you and misses you alot. Give yourself some time off of him a month or two and see what happens during that time. If you find out he’s found someone else or you find someone else then- no need to wait. Move on with your life! Best of luck to you! cray all you need to let it all out it’s good for you but- try to surround yourself with friends and loved ones it will be better fro you
I’m sorry that you’re feeling that way. I know how you feel. And it sucks. It’s like your life is at a stand still when you should be out living your life. Did you ever stop to think that maybe it’s NOT HIM you are aching over, it’s the relationship that you were used to, like a bad habit that you are sad about? For example, I broke up with this guy I dated for 2 years. I thought I was sad because we broke up and I still loved him. After days of thinking about it, it was the 2 year relationship I was infatuated with and I was so used to it that I couldn’t imagine living life alone after being with someone for 2 years that I did EVERYTHING with. And as I’m sure you know, guys don’t work the same as girls do. It’s easier for them to move on because that’s what a guys supposed to do. Kind of a macho thing I guess. Us girls get attached physically and emotionally. Good luck in your journey. This is a good time for soul searching and self-help. This way you can asses what’s really making you sad. The break up or you being alone?
love is deep. if it wasn’t it wouldn’t hurt. obviously you love him deeply enough to feel the pain.
the best cure to quote a song that literally got me my thru similar situation.
“Nothing heals the broken heart like time, love and tenderness,”
In fact, the whole song helps better than just one line
_____________________________________________________
So you say that you can’t go on
Love left you cryin’
And you say all your hope is gone
And what’s the use in tryin’
What you need is to have some faith
Shake off those sad blues
Get yourself a new view
Oh, nothing is a sad as it seems, you know
‘Cause someday you’ll laugh at the heartache
Someday, you’ll laugh at the pain
Somehow you’ll get through the heartache
Somehow you can get through the rain
[Chorus:]
When love puts you through the fire
When love puts you through the test
Nothing cures a broken heart
Like time, love and tenderness
When you think your world is over
Baby just remember this
Nothing heals a broken heart
Like time, love and tenderness
Time, love and tenderness
I understand how you’re feeling now
And what you’ve been through
But your world’s gonna turn around
So baby don’t you be blue
All it takes is a little time
To make it better
The hurt won’t last forever
Oh, all the tears are gonna dry you know
‘Cause someday you’ll laugh at the heartache
Someday you’ll laugh at the pain
You may be down on your luck
But baby that old luck’s gonna change
[Chorus]
Baby, oh baby you just need some
You just need some
Time, love and tenderness
Time, love and tenderness
The hurt ain’t gonna last forever
Time, love and tenderness
Time, love and tenderness
[Chorus]
Baby, oh baby all you need
All you need is time, love and tenderness
____________________________________________________
the above are the lyrics to (Time, Love And Tenderness) by MICHAEL BOLTON
as long as you do what makes you happy, it will get better.
no one can tell you when 2 stop lovn someone.Just b/c ya’ll broke up does not mean your heart stops loving him.If you r not ready to give up ur emotions for him then don’t.Everyhting happens for a reason and who knows this brk may make him realize how much he really loves you. Or then again it may be for the better the 2 of u went seperate ways.regardleess, the decision has been made, keep busy, don’t call him and keep loving him if that is what ur heart is wanting to do…
Let me start by saying I feel your pain. You will, however, feel better soon. I would compare what you are feeling emotionally and mentally to a physical detox…the memories need to recede and become a little less vivid…the need for the “us” will dissipate and the addiction will gradually become less painful. They say to replace a bad habit with a good one so you don’t find yourself going back to the bad for a fix. I would replace the “us” with the lovely “you” and do the things you really like to do and treat yourself well. I would also recommend a flower remedy called “Bleeding Heart”. It comes in a small dropper bottle and you place the diluted or undiluted contents under your tongue then swallow. It is all natural, you can’t take too much and it makes you feel much better. Hang in there, you can and will heal.
I when through the same thing thing last two month and i healing right now.Go out with friends and do fun things out on vacation.Go to the clubs have fun .It’s very hard to get over someone for so long so you just have to take it a day by day.I wish you the best of happiness.
it’s hard because you gave all of yourself for four yeats to a man that you loved and even if the break up was mutual, it will feel like a part of you is dying. Your other half is no longer there and in some ways you were dependent on, if anything, the mere fact that he was there and there for you. Now that he is gone, its hard to let go. Give yourself time. Every tear you shed is a piece of your heart healing. Just let them flow and eventually tha pain will subside and you will remember who are you and you will grow from there. Take it a day at a time.
yes break ups suck… after finding out my boyfreind was cheating on me, we broke up.. but hey, that was no where near four years.. everyone is different when it comes to heartbreak, we all react different, as you’ve seen in yor boyfriend.. he ‘appears’ to have got on in life, but he may be dying inside.. you said you’re not ok with this, so if you want him back, and you regret it enough, you shouldn’t be even reading this.. GO TALK TO HIM!!!
p.s. you said when you both have your lifes to sort out.. i dont know how extreme matters are, but say if you got married, you cant just put your realationship on hold. its incredibly hard but what you have to do, is Balance. everyone has to do it, some more than others.
GOOD LUCK!! hope i didn confuse you too much!!!
You were with him for a long time and no matter what you do its going to hurt, you miss the love but as you explained its time to move on. Time will heal all wounds but you have to let the pain come first there is no stopping it. Some people don’t know how to deal with the stress of breaking up because it hurts so differently than any other pain its almost like a death of someone close. There is no “best” advice to this one you just need to focus on yourself and really look inside and use your own strength and you will get through it use friends and family as a crutch that’s what they are there for, they should be happy to help you through this difficult time, good luck and i hope you feel better soon
well it takes time and you will look back and say why did i hurt so bad go to the gym, movies out with friends try not to be alone the more you are alone the more it hurts.
well bad news sister, love hurts, and i hate to quote a cliche, but time heals all wounds. there is no cure for the ache you feel, and you and your ex should be proud of the choice you both made, because if you can’t solve the problem a bad situation gets worse, until all the love is gone, and only hate remains.
what to do, what to do?
take one day at a time, live life for yourself, concentrate on what needs to be done, on your work on your children if you have any. you should not try to dwell on what has happened or compare it to anything else. it is true what they say, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. its ok to hurt to cry, to feel bad, what you experience isn’t anything short of a tragedy, (a personal one any way), because even though it isn’t a death you are still loosing a loved one. so mourn your loss as long as you need to, and when you have done that pick yourself back up and cotinue living.
you know, it does get better with time, you may not see it here and now but it does get better, to the point of forgetting the person. just give yourself time. and understand that he already let you go, you must do the same.
good luck
It’ll take time, but you’ll be fine. Really. Trust me on that. Take it one day at a time. Concentrate on you and yours, the more time you spend by yourself, the easier it gets… good luck.