hey i just want honest comments on my poem i wrote for school
thanks
Title ; Addiction
Addiction…
Addiction to Vanity. The devils favorite Sin./
Vanity Is so Secure in the heart of man that everyone wants to be admired.
Even I who wrote this and you who reads this./
Nothing makes one so vain as being told one is a sinner. Conscience makes egotists of us all/
The prettiest people do the ugliest things of course
because the only real cure to vanity is loneliness in 4 walls/
Addiction…
Sex and Cigarettes. Sins that will kill me.
I felt an angel’s possessing grip, the flames
rising from your skin. The shadow of the divine/
Telling me The way you make love
is the way God will be with you in time./
So I am sweet with mine/
But hard and a little rough at the same time/
Its funny. Of all the sexual aberrations, chastity is the strangest/
because the prettiest people do the ugliest things
in all the wrong places/
I exhale My sin stick feeling lost inside…
Addiction…
Addiction to Emo Depression
The youth have hope because it’s their future they’re hopeful about and if they’re depressed about their own future such as myself after what happened that night, well, then we are in a bad state, and we keep
Hope alive by keeping it alive amongst ourselves/
And We stay sain by finding fault in everyone else/
Growing up in public housing alongside
Skateboard rats, hustlers and hood rats/
The 1 percenters.. some how we all lost track/
And now I can’t smile anymore or have a reason to
Wake up and not feel sore/
Because one thing I was thought was
There’s no excuse to be bored.
Sad yes, Angry yes, Depressed yes, Crazy yes.
But never an excuse for being bored./
Addiction..
Addiction to loneliness…
Out of all the creatures we are the loneliness..
We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone./
and that we have a home/
deals made between satin and jehova tells a differnent story/
they bet on souls from before you are born,/
trading..like kids do with baseball cards about who is going to hell
and who will be coming Home/
we are all alone
and the time when you most need someone is when you realize that you are all alone/
Addiction..
Addiction to you..to love..
I lost you..
I am a Man so tears i do not cry../
but Photografic memories of you makes me feel the tears inside/
Addiction..
Addiction to life..
dream as if you live forever..live as if you die today/
live like everyday is summer vacation..
we did and it made us happy in some small way/
laugh as much as you breath love as long as you live/
live for the moment and as forgiveness later for sin/
Skate rats, hoodrats, pimps, hustlers and stick up kids..
these are my friends..
these is the leasons they taught me
So old man..This is my addiction..
a addict to life
and if I die today I die free..
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
they r good..but kinda scary
srry im the kind of gal who reads/writes songs or poems or books bout happy things
but other than that they are really good.
some of the phrases dont “flow” though
they are real and true, keep it up
That was totally amazing!